"Me, Myself, And I!” Prioritizing Self Amidst Life’s Expectations.

There is a lot going on, almost always, or so it seems… how do we create space for ourselves, slow down, and focus on what’s most important vs wearing BUSY like a badge of honor?!

 

 

Life is like a never-ending game of Tetris; except there are no ‘level fail’ or end-game options; it just keeps going.

 

Just when you think you’re on a roll. The pieces are falling, and you are placing them easily, neatly stacked, and feeling like you’re totally nailing it… another oddly shaped unexpected expectation comes your way. Your boss wanted X a week ago, and you didn’t even know about X until today. Your partner tells you their plans and dreams, and you feel blindsided because you’re beginning to wonder whether you are even a part of their thought process anymore. Your dog is injured again… I mean, come on! Could we go one full month without needing to go to the vet? And the list goes on and on. 

 

Soooooo, here’s the million-dollar question: Where do YOU fit into this (often) chaotic puzzle?

 

If you’ve been feeling like a background character in your favorite series of ALL time, but… this one is your REAL life. It is time for a major plot twist! 

 

Let’s start with a few tried, true, and easy-to-implement strategies to prioritize yourself without feeling like you’re auditioning for the role of “Selfish Sammy,” “Take me to your manager Tammy” or “A (any) Karen” (and to my readers with these names, no shade, this isn’t about YOU! …and if it is, and you know it is, because the outrage is rising from your core to your rosy cheeks, maybe this is just what you needed to hear… or not… ALWAYS your call)

 

1. Learn the art of Saying No! One of the main reasons you feel so out of control is because you are kind of are… you say yes to everything and everyone, leaving no time for you… the main character, remember! I often hear clients feel the need to explain their reasons for not being able to do x, y, or z. I want to remind you that NO is a complete sentence, but there are several other ways to say no that are less blunt yet yield the same result. That being said, I encourage practicing no all on its own for a while… when you cancel an appt, when you can’t go out with friends, when you don’t want to take on that job, resist the urge to explain, and just SAY NO! Then, sit with the uncomfortability of it. Notice the world doesn’t implode, and neither do you they don’t call back and demand an explanation… everything appears okay. Do this a few more times and it will get easier!

 

Remember, it is humanly impossible to say yes to everything. If we did, we would run out of time, money, and motivation to do our own things. Yes, that is an extreme example, but the saying “Put others’ needs before your own” is just not realistic or healthy! 

 

1. This next one piggybacks off #1, and it is “Set Boundaries.” Your time and energy are precious resources, time being the one resource we can never get back. Money will come and go, energy will wax and wane, and work will ebb and flow, but, time, my friend is finite… when it is gone, it is gone (and there is no telling when that will be). No one will value your time like you will, and therefore, it is your job to protect it like gold (because, in many ways, it is far more precious).

 

1. Treat Self-Care like it’s your mf’ing job! Why?! Because it is! You’re the CEO of Your Best Self, Inc., and neglecting yourself is bad for business. Take mental health days, go on vacation, staycation, work out regularly (any movement that gets your heart rate up and engages your muscles… more on this in a different post), spend the day reading a book, aim to get outside daily, facetime a friend, or binge-watch a show that’s been on your watch list forever. If hearing any of those makes you cringe at the thought because you’re thinking, “Liz I have about 1 million other things I need to get done, have you seen the laundry room, ugh, and the fridge, for sure, needs a deep clean…” 

 

Then, you may have a problem relaxing! Is it possible in today’s ‘do more’ culture you have confused taking care of yourself with being lazy? It is not being lazy; it is creating space for things that enrich your life and well-being. You can lose creativity and motivation if you don’t make space for these things. When you make it to the end of your life, will the amount of laundry you completed this weekend even matter?!

 

1. Again riding on the heels of the last one; Reframe Your Inner Talk. Instead of “I have to workout” try “I want to workout because it aligns with my goals and values.” Words Matter! The words we say to others, the ones they say to us, and especially the ones we say to ourselves. Let this be a gentle reminder to talk to yourself like you would a friend. 

 

For example, you would not say to your friend, “You’re so dumb; you knew they wouldn’t give you a raise,” after they got up enough courage to ask for a raise, yet their boss denied the request. If you wouldn’t say it to your bestie, then don’t say it to yourself! 

 

5. Schedule ‘Me Time’ like it’s a hot date! Would you stand up… fill in your celeb/pro athlete crush? No?! Then, why are you constantly ghosting yourself?! Seriously though, we do so much for others that we forget our needs. This one is similar to self-care but it is intentionally creating time for yourself. Just like you are more likely to make that dentist appt when you have it on your schedule same goes for ME TIME. Schedule it and make it happen. It can be as simple as waking up an hour (or start with 30 min) earlier so you have the house to yourself, drink your coffee, tea, or no beverage at all, slower. Pick up that beautiful journal that is collecting dust and write a few words about how you want your day to go, and how you are going to show up for yourself in service of your goals. Change your morning routine from jumping out of bed, tornadoing through the closet, throwing on clothes, grabbing your cup to go, then into the car or onto the 1st slack meeting of the day; into an intentionally slowed movement through the same steps, perhaps even finding the joy in each morning checkpoint. Let this set the tone for a more relaxed day, with less stress, and more in alignment with your goals and values. 

 

Remember, putting yourself first isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. You can’t pour from an empty cup and can’t juggle life’s expectations if you’re running on fumes.

 

Now start putting yourself first for a while and you may find life starts to feel less overwhelming… because you know all those daunting expectations will still be there after your yoga class with your bestie but your mindset will be in a whole new universe!